Re: Why aren't more members posting?

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:28 am

No,Loneblossom,I definitely do not think you are the only one who hesitates to
post because of criticism, and this is a great pity,because it is people like
yourself who can contribute so much.
Thanks for your support of my suggestion
Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by petal34 Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:37 am

skfarblum wrote:I do have a suggestion.Make a safe corner ,where no challenges allowed.
People can post spiritual ideas ,experiences,stories in safety and feel they
won't be subjected to ridicule or any criticism.
Stephen

Such a good suggestion,Stephen.
I'm all for that.
Petal (Joan).

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by obiwan Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:09 am

It is perfectly possible to post here without being worried about criticism. It depends what the objective of the posting is. For example asking a question rarely prompts criticism here and I think you will find most of the regular posters would quickly support a person asking an honest question if anyone else was rude.

Making assertions about facts aren't a problem if one is sure of one's facts however if one isn't, it is a good idea to phrase comments accordingly.

Expressing an opinion always runs the risk of encountering someone who disagrees. So it is useful to understand why one holds a particular belief before posting about it. Disagreement is usually an opportunity to learn.

Ridicule is never acceptable and doesn't advance a debate however I don't think you will find many examples of ridicule here. It can be a question of perception though, what one person sees as a robust challenge another will see as an insult or ridicule. If you think someone is rude say why you think so, if they can't help it or won't modify their behaviour, simply ignore them.

Fear is the mind killer. To quote James Herbert (I think, though I am happy to be corrected). Don't let fear stop you asking questions or testing what you think is a fact. We will all learn something. If what you say turns out to be wrong don't worry about it. If we simply post about what we believe and don't want to hear alternative views I don't think it will be very productive, though it may be therapeutic for some.

It also depends what one means by 'criticism'. If you mean 'I don't want anyone to challenge what I say or question me about it' I think that is unrealistic and I can't see the point of it. How a posting is challenged though is definitely an important consideration since we are all learning. Be brave Very Happy

I agree with skfarblum in that when a person is new to the subject, they ask questions and share experiences in order to learn. This is good for everyone concerned no matter how much they may think they know. Even for those who know a lot about the subject, to teach is to learn twice as they say.

Personally I am not a fan of threads where people can say whatever they like and not have it questioned - but that's only my opinion Smile

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by _Leslie_ Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:31 am

I couldn't expand or improve on what Obiwan has already said. excellent post and well worded - especially "Disagreement is usually an opportunity to learn" - sometimes people miss that...

Throwing caution to the wind may not always be the best thing, but on occasions perhaps it 'is' the way to go.. Wink

So dive in and enjoy Smile

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by obiwan Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:32 am

_Leslie_ wrote:I couldn't expand or improve on what Obiwan has already said. excellent post and well worded - especially "Disagreement is usually an opportunity to learn" - sometimes people miss that...

Throwing caution to the wind may not always be the best thing, but on occasions perhaps it 'is' the way to go.. So dive in and enjoy

Thanks Leslie.

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:47 am

Dear obiwan,
At the beginning here I would like to explain I am not very knowledgeable of
Modern Spiritualism and my following dialog is to do with subjective
personal experiences which by their very nature do not lend themselves to easy description in a verbal discussion.
Your argument or points are logical and nicely stated.In an ideal world or with
nice sensible people it probably would work.My own experience,and I cannot talk
for others ,is that I have huge difficulty explaining my experiences taken from
35 years of meditation.
Firstly much that I take for a fact is a joke or nonsense for another and I find
myself totally unable to explain what I feel or mean.
Somewhat like me trying to explain to a person blind from birth ,the colour red.
This is a constant and frequent difficulty of subjective experiences.
The only way I have found around this problem is saying to people try it
for yourself and see where it takes you.We are each unique ,special individuals
and there is no exact way of doing this type of subjective work.
Generalities can be stated but always the results are personal.
People,perhaps like myself have often traversed inner paths,for which no words
can be given.Possibly if I was a talented painter or poet I could give
glimpses,but all would be inadequate because the emotional content can't be given.
Nevertheless despite these problems,I often feel the need to reach out and empathize
with others,who too have had inner experiences or who are struggling to make sense
of deep inner changes.Perhaps just by stating something I can help.
I still struggle and this effort seems endless,and perhaps even a necessity of inner growth.
I hope I am explaining better why there may be a need just for people to write their
experiences without any feedback.A single word can often help another soul.

Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by _Leslie_ Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:55 am

Stephen, spiritual experiences are 'personal' and unique to each of us, in that manner they are not meant to explained, justified or expounded upon to others - as their true value rests in 'our' understanding of them and not that of others. Each of us experiences through meditation (our connection to spirit) a communication that earth words are unable to vocalise.
My advice would be to not worry about conveying them as you receive them - simply enjoy and share what you are able (and let others walk their own path - something that took me a long, long time to understand Wink

).

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by Wes Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:30 pm

In another forum I frequent, people will often start a topic then try to control the way that people reply, which invariably brings the response that once you begin a thread you have no right to control over how people will reply to your comments. So bearing that in mind, it's far more important to simply say what you want to say, without letting concerns about people's responses colour your words.

However I do agree with Obiwan wholeheartedly about others being able to respectfully challenge whatever one might say. A recent example was when I attended a healing demonstration recently and one of the people there said that she saw John Lennon, Jesus, an extra-terrestial and Tinkerbell, all in the same room and helping with the healing.

To my surprise, no one challenged her or even asked if she actually believed that what she saw was real. To my mind, if she was letting her imagination run free and then accept those imaginings as real, then to not challenge her was doing a great disservice to all present at that demonstration, including her.

So by all means post what you will that is appropriate for this forum, and please accept all comments, positive or negative, as opportunities to learn and grow as you progress in your upward journey.

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by bravo321uk Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:14 pm

I am a new member here, and personally I agree with Obi,,, And i personally have had some of my most helpfull learning experiences when what I believed at that time has been challenged.. All to often we as people will have what i will refer to as an instant Opinion and belief based on something we may have read or heard or been told... And it is not untill someone challenges that... do we realize we dont actually have facts as the backbone to our beliefs.. xxx

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:46 pm

Well I must really thank all of you.I am enjoying immensely the lovely
variety of opinions.
So here is a big hug and thanks

Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by KatyKing Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:25 pm

Not uncommon to get folk in discussion groups [we have those instead of service format regularly] coming out with all sorts of odd stuff. Fairies and angel parking services aren't the half of it. Indigo kids worries me most of all as I intuit it could presage psychological abuse of the poor child so identified by an unstable parent who is always a single mum sans a male partner who was [sensible chap] either transient and long gone or legged it when Indigo appeared. Every time guaranteed. GBT and straight couples don't have Indigo sprogs. You can take that to the bank.. My own approach is not to challenge but to thank and swiftly move on having mentally marked the card of the speaker.
They tend to waft in and out chasing whims so not worth the energy attempting to convince someone who just as likely wiill be off being a Zen Buddhist or JW next week. Also it gives the regulars something to chuckle about.

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:52 pm

skfarblum wrote:I do have a suggestion.Make a safe corner ,where no challenges allowed.
People can post spiritual ideas ,experiences,stories in safety and feel they
won't be subjected to ridicule or any criticism.
Stephen

a blog area, then....

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:54 pm

bravo321uk wrote:Well my reason for not posting is a simple one,,,,, there is so much here to read

That's good to hear but in time you'll catch up with the earlier contributions and can then add your own.... Smile

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:56 pm

That is an excellent suggestion Mac.
I second it
Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:03 pm

obiwan wrote:It is perfectly possible to post here without being worried about criticism. It depends what the objective of the posting is. For example asking a question rarely prompts criticism here and I think you will find most of the regular posters would quickly support a person asking an honest question if anyone else was rude.

Making assertions about facts aren't a problem if one is sure of one's facts however if one isn't, it is a good idea to phrase comments accordingly.

Expressing an opinion always runs the risk of encountering someone who disagrees. So it is useful to understand why one holds a particular belief before posting about it. Disagreement is usually an opportunity to learn.

Ridicule is never acceptable and doesn't advance a debate however I don't think you will find many examples of ridicule here. It can be a question of perception though, what one person sees as a robust challenge another will see as an insult or ridicule. If you think someone is rude say why you think so, if they can't help it or won't modify their behaviour, simply ignore them.

Fear is the mind killer. To quote James Herbert (I think, though I am happy to be corrected). Don't let fear stop you asking questions or testing what you think is a fact. We will all learn something. If what you say turns out to be wrong don't worry about it. If we simply post about what we believe and don't want to hear alternative views I don't think it will be very productive, though it may be therapeutic for some.

It also depends what one means by 'criticism'. If you mean 'I don't want anyone to challenge what I say or question me about it' I think that is unrealistic and I can't see the point of it. How a posting is challenged though is definitely an important consideration since we are all learning. Be brave

I agree with skfarblum in that when a person is new to the subject, they ask questions and share experiences in order to learn. This is good for everyone concerned no matter how much they may think they know. Even for those who know a lot about the subject, to teach is to learn twice as they say.

Personally I am not a fan of threads where people can say whatever they like and not have it questioned - but that's only my opinion

I stand in awe of my duck friend's contribution - clear and concise as usual. Smile

I hesitate to add anything other than the remarks mirror my own.

So often, though, I read the most absurd claims or ideas but then am roundly told-off for challenging what's been said. For me a discussion forum is an open house to challenge, debate or discuss points made and, equally, a place to answer questions. I don't want to read a web log of personal thoughts, ideas, beliefs or experiences - if I did I'd read blogs. I don't want to read a blog instead of a considered response to whatever ideas I present. But all too often a blog is what I get with no reference to earlier points, questions or challenges.

enough already

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:22 pm

"In another forum I frequent, people will often start a topic then try to control the way that people reply, which invariably brings the response that once you begin a thread you have no right to control over how people will reply to your comments. "

I agree - nobody has a right to control but they have every right to point out that the subject is being left or being disregarded.

Many, many, many times individuals will join a thread and post something irrelevant to the topic. Should that diversion not be challenged, then? And following the diversion, the original subject gets lost so that subsequent viewers may wonder where it is in that thread and then wander away. Some contributors seem deliberately to side-track a subject - call it paranoia but it's happened to me on many occasions.

Sometimes contributors tell me I'm being targeted and love to tell me how I shouldn't be upset by that....

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:25 pm

bravo321uk wrote:I am a new member here, and personally I agree with Obi,,, And i personally have had some of my most helpfull learning experiences when what I believed at that time has been challenged.. All to often we as people will have what i will refer to as an instant Opinion and belief based on something we may have read or heard or been told... And it is not untill someone challenges that... do we realize we dont actually have facts as the backbone to our beliefs.. xxx

excellent observation!

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:32 pm

At this juncture I hope others will see it fair in pointing out that this is a (Modern) Spiritualism focused website....

Joining in with conversations from another discipline's standpoint leaves me wondering why. There are innumerable forums where general or even specific discussions may be had away from the umbrella aspect of Spiritualism.

It's fine where there's a desire to relate non-Spiritualism to Spiritualistic issues but from my experience on the many other forums where I'm a contributor, it can be hard work and a thankless task trying to reconcile often very different perspectives.

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by _Leslie_ Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:38 pm

bravo321uk wrote:I am a new member here, and personally I agree with Obi,,, And i personally have had some of my most helpfull learning experiences when what I believed at that time has been challenged.. All to often we as people will have what i will refer to as an instant Opinion and belief based on something we may have read or heard or been told... And it is not untill someone challenges that... do we realize we dont actually have facts as the backbone to our beliefs.. xxx

I refer to it as 'reacting' rather than 'responding'. Something consistent here and on many other forums on the net. For it seems that rather than sit back, reflect, digest and possibly understand the others point of view, many, who often place themselves on the pedestal of being learned people, prefer a 'reaction' than an affording an educated or even sympathetic 'response'. Of course then they wonder why they received the response that they did... and so begins the merry-g-round Wink

Bottom line for me (and it just happens to be the bottom line below the header "A Forum for Spiritualists and those interested in learning more about the Religion, Philosophy, Science and Truth of the Spiritualist Movement" Says it all... for how can we learn if we don't discuss, appraise, embrace others - regardless of their views... As I said before - just go for it... dive in and enjoy Very Happy

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:39 pm

There are, in a general way right and left brain people.
Right brain people see the spaces between appearances which for
them define the appearance.
Left hand people focus on the appearance and spaces are background.
I am very much a right brain person.I focus on spaces.This means
being very sensitive , somewhat emotional and very introverted.
I like blogs.Forums are difficult.Challenges upset me.
Does this disqualify me from having something to say to left brain
intellectuals?

Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by _Leslie_ Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:43 pm

Stephen, deliberating to much will give you a head ache. Just join in my friend, dip your toe in to the pool and see if the water is warm enough for you. If.. .someone moans that's up to them - I'm a big believer in "You're only responsible for your own words deeds and actions - and NOT those of others". So, let the others be responsible for their opinions, views and responses - get your foot in and enjoy Smile

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:56 pm

Dear Leslie,
Excellent advice.A bit difficult for me,but
I am willing to try.
Thanks
Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by mac Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:56 pm

skfarblum wrote:There are, in a general way right and left brain people.
Right brain people see the spaces between appearances which for
them define the appearance.
Left hand people focus on the appearance and spaces are background.
I am very much a right brain person.I focus on spaces.This means
being very sensitive , somewhat emotional and very introverted.
I like blogs.Forums are difficult.Challenges upset me.
Does this disqualify me from having something to say to left brain
intellectuals?

Stephen

"Does this disqualify me from having something to say to left brain
intellectuals?" Yes if you're unable to deal with the almost inevitable challenge the left-brainers will make about what you say, the answers they'll seek.

I guess I'm the reverse. To me blogs seem self-occupied, self-interested because - for me - interaction is all important. My own experiences or personal thoughts are irrelevant unless they add to a point I make, a point under discussion etc.

horses for courses...

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by skfarblum Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:04 pm

Dear Mac,
I knew you would write that.No harm done.
I see you as a simple soul.
Basically I quite like what you say.I just feel
for those gentle souls who don't see the basic goodness in you.
Stephen

Re: Why aren't more members posting? · by KatyKing Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:58 pm

Shaky ground mac. That old L&R brain hypothesis has been blown out of the water since tomography. Physiologically its a dead duck. For psychological discourse it'll stand, just.
Better personality types descriptors are available.
'Honey and Mumford' to Google for more if interested.

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